…and then some

2005-11-12 (Nov) – Out on a Limb

Out on a Limb
2005-11-12 (Nov) – 01:40

Tonight I was hanging out with my friend Lee.  Taking him home was a bit of a drive, and on the way back I was felt a little tug on my heart as I missed AJ.  There’s a song I’ve only heard twice since we broke up, and neither time was deliberate.  The first time made me burst out in tears immediately.  The second time made me feel really bummed out.  Tonight I put it in on purpose and forced myself to listen to it.  It brought back memories, and though I never shed a tear, it’s made me extremely vulnerable.

Tonight, I went to AJ’s profile and sent a friend request.  This is the first attempt to contact her since I last saw her or any of my other friends that ‘abandoned’ me.  I didn’t send a message or an email.  All I did was send a friend request.  If she approves, I will take that as a sign that she is willing to talk to me.  I’m very nervous.  She broke my heart, but I loved her more than anyone I’ve ever known.  As much as I try to move on, I still love her.

I never got closure from that relationship or anything about it.  I’m not really sure what to think.  I’m just sad I guess.  I miss her still.  It’s been more than two months.  Yes, I know… that’s not a very long time.  I know people that suffer from breakups for years.  I’m not used to that.  Usually I can get over things pretty quickly, especially with the help of God’s grace and mercy.

Though I’ve been doing a lot better; been able to go out and have fun and talk to people and make friends; deep down inside i’m still dying without her, and, well, it just sucks.


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