…and then some

2005-11-23 (Nov) – medication for the spirit

medication for the spirit
2005-11-23 (Nov) – 11:26

this is now the third time i’ve started typing something in this blog.  i’ve erased the other two things.  everything in my mind is scattered.  i feel joy, pain, comfort, stress, and E all of the above.  my sleep has been erratic.  my appetite has been low and spotty.

i think today i will go out.  perhaps i will go out and get my hands on a new power supply for my computer.  getting that back in order is sure to relieve a bit of stress.  though my computer itself isn’t a huge source of comfort for me, it allows me to experience the things that give me peace.  i can listen to music, i can work on my photos, i can do research and learn a bunch of new, weird things.  perhaps i can play some games to pass the time, or look up movie showtimes to see what’s playing.  i can check out maps and aerial photos all over the country, which i love to do.  I’m just really really hoping that a power supply is all i need.  If i need a new motherboard, that will be such a problem.  If you don’t know about computers, try cars, for example.  Would you rather have to buy a new battery or a new engine?  Exactly.

package just arrived.  not for me, but it was a bitter reminder that my PayPal card has yet to arrive.  Without that card, the little but very much needed chunk of funds in my account remain useless.  ah well.

enough about computers and money.  i want to talk about AJ.  in spite of my personal quirks and confusions, life is so much better with her around.  I believe we compliment each other so well, and I don’t just mean saying nice things.  Music, for example.  We both share such a wide taste in a variety of styles and genres that we could drive cross-country and never get bored with anything we listened to.  she has opened up my [ears] to some really great music, as i no doubt have done for her as well.  it’s almost peculiar, really, how interested i am in what she listens to.  there are certain styles that nobody else could get me to listen to but with her it’s not a tolerance, it’s enjoyment.  i like it.

…and the adventures!  try to imagine something kinda weird you like to do.  not something wrong or evil, but something just… strange… unorthodox.  something most people would look at you and think “you’re crazy” or better yet, just walk away from you.  Ok well see i have a few things i like to do that might get that kind of response.  With AJ, we can enjoy those things together and have a blast!  From late night adventures in the wilderness to roadkill hunts and photoshoots.  I can share experiences with her that I couldn’t dream of sharing with anyone else.  We have so many inside jokes and share so much of the same qualities and even our differences compliment each other and help us grow rather than push us away.  We can learn from each other.  We make a really great team.  I admit I’m the more sensitive, soft-cored individual and she’s the more tough, fearless go-get’er type.  But in these ways we are good together.  She gives me a way to learn to deal with change and new experiences and strengthen myself for the world that lies ahead, and i give her a place to let down her walls and be herself and have fun without regards for what others might see.

She is a very private person, and I’m more of a town-crier, as you could probably tell from my blogs if you’ve been reading them regularly.  nothing wrong with either, really, but i’ve learned from the past, through her, that everything is on a need-to-know basis and quite frankly, nobody needs to know a damn thing.  i freely share quite a bit information on what’s going on in my life, but at the same time there is so much you don’t really know.  like right now, for example… i find myself explaining this all to you when, in fact, i don’t really need to explain anything.  i think that perhaps i just like to write about the things i think.  i want people to see my mind work.  perhaps i feel i’m not noticed?  perhaps i want to be appreciated?  who knows… all i know is that sometimes i say too much…

haha, yes i know i got off-topic.  that’s that great part about this.  doesn’t matter what i talk about.


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