…and then some

An Old Questionnaire Repost


Copied from one of my old Myspace blogs:

 

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
– I sleep in the closet with my bedroom doors open

2. Do you ever take the shampoos and soaps from hotel rooms?
– Yes, and I usually sneak out with the furniture and carpet, too!

3. Have you ever ‘done it’ in a hotel room?
– You mean pee on the ceiling? Every time!

4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
– No but I’ve stolen a traffic signal light from a busy street.

5. Do you like to use post-it notes?
– They make create outfits

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
– I usually use all the coupons I never cut out

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
– A swarm of big bears

9. Do you always smile for pictures?
– Only if they are pictures trees

10. What is your biggest pet peeve?
– Global molecular dematerialization

11. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
– Both.. tuck in one end and out the other, haha

12. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
– Every time.  I’m currently on 35,285,190.  That’s a lot.

13. Have you ever peed in the woods?
– Daily, and that’s not all I do in the woods… so watch your step.

14. Do you ever jump up and down to make your privates bounce?
– Oh yes.  In fact, I’m going to do that as soon as I’m done with this.

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
– Mmm… yes I chew them very carefully so I do not choke.

16. Whats your favorite animal and why?
– My favorite animal is probably the meerkat.  No, it isn’t.  I lied.  I like water buffalo because they are great birds of prey and have no legs.

17. Do you like popcorn from those big tins?
– I like the big tins from that popcorn… stop making my hungry.  I’ll eat your children.

18. What is your “Song of the week”?
– My song of the week?  You wouldn’t know it… I don’t even know it.

19. Do you wear pink?
– it’s not pink… it’s salmon, and no I do not wear salmon.  I wear cod.

20. Do you still watch cartoons?
– My life is a artoon.  That’s “artoon” with a “c” in front of it.

21. What’s your favorite scary movie?
– The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl was pretty freaky

23. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
– I do have some hidden treasure, and it is buried, but it’s no place you can ever find.

24. What do you drink with dinner?
– Usually sheep’s blood, but sometimes I’ll have a glass of elephant puss if it’s a special occasion.

25. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
– I dip my chicken’s nuggets in hot oil.

26. What is your favorite food/cuisine?
– I can’t tell you that, because it’s not legal.

27. What movie could you watch over and over and still love?
– I don’t understand… this question is too confusing.  I hate you.

28. Last person you hugged?
– myself.  See, I’m the only person that is willing to touch me.

30. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
– What do you think I do for a living?  How do you think I pay the bills?

31. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone?
– I don’t know how to write… Oh wait, yes I do.  I thougth you meant something else.  The last time I wrote a letter to someone was… yes.

32. Can you change the oil on a car?
– Yeah but it probably won’t operate any more. *mwa ha ha*

33. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
– Nah… I didn’t even know tickets could drive, let alone speed.

34. Ran out of gas?
– I never run out of gas…I eat too much.  :)

35. Favorite kind of sandwich?
– That kind

36. Best thing to eat for breakfast?
– YOU!!!!

37. What’s your usual bedtime?
– I don’t have a usual bedtime, but I usually go to bed at some time, which is any time.

38. Are you lazy?
– Nahhh I’m not lazy… I just usually don’t feel like doing things so I don’t.

40. When you were a kid what did you dress up as for Halloween?
– YOU!!!  Got 1st prize for ugliest, too.

41. Do you read the newspaper?
– No, I pee on it

42. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
– Why?

43. Is Fabio ugly?
– He’s more than ugly… he’s fugly… it’s so fugly, he’s oogly.

44.whats better legos or lincon logs?
– Linkin park?

45. Red wine or white wine?
– You whine

46. Are you stubborn?
– No way!  …and I’m NOT changing that.

47. Who is better…Leno or Letterman?
– Legos

48. Watch a soap opera?
– I like to listen to the shampoo sing

49. Afraid of heights?
– Yeah, no…. no yes…. maybe? Not at all.

50. Sing in the car?
– I sing in the car because I HATE YOU!  I mean… yes.

51. Dance in the shower?
– Baby, I don’t dance.  I PERFORM in the shower… it’s magical.

52. Dance in the car?
– Oh yes, it’s riverdance up in that ride, man.

53. Ever used a gun?
– I’m about to right now.

54. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
– last week… I had a portrait sitting on my desk and this guy with a camera just walked in and took it… bastard.

55. Are musicals cheesy?
– I love cheese

56. Is Christmas stressful?
– The question is “Is stress Christmasful?”  The answer is “bouancy”

57. Ever eat a pierogi?
– Yes I’ve eaten a pie and “rogi” is not my name… idiot.

58. Favorite type of fruit pie?
– Ohhhh the kind with fruit in it… that’s my favorite.

59. Occupation you wanted to be when you were a kid?
– Well, when I was 3 I first wanted to be a gynocologist.  That changed when I turned 5 and realized I would make a great human cannonball for the traveling circus.  When I was 9 I was really into movies so I wanted to be a porn star.  Finally, I set aside these childish dreams and decided to have a career in world domination.

60. Do you believe in ghosts?
– I’m here, aren’t I?

61. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
– All the time, and it’s always the same damn thing.

62. Take a vitamin daily?
– Yeah… some preparation H for all the assholes I deal with and some Fukitol in the morning.

63. Wear slippers?
– Yup!  Well, they’re actually condoms with cotton glued to them but they work the same.

64. Wear a bath robe?
– I’m so hairy I don’t need a bath robe.. just a rope.

65. What do you wear to bed?
– My bath robe and slippers

66. First concert?
– I swear I saw Elvis… and the Beatles… and  that stuff.  Nevermind.

67. Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart?
– Hometown Buffet

68. Nike or Adidas?
– I don’t know… maybe if I had a map, or some kind of barbecue sauce.

69. Fritos or Cheetos?
– I absolutely cannot stand that stupid purple dinosaur!

70. Corn nuts or sunflowers seeds?
– definitely hustlin’ corn nuts

71. Ever heard of “norpo?”
– Norp

72. Ever take dance lessons?
– Honey, I GIVE dance lessons… every tuesday and wednesday evening… in the shower.

73. Is there a profession that you want for your perfect future?
– Y’know that whole world domination thing I mentioned earlier?  Yeah, that.

74. Can you curl your tongue?
– Oh yes… just watch!

75. Ever won a spelling bee?
– Of course… I won a whole swarm of spelling bees… and a drive bee!

76. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
– I’m about to right now because this questionairre is so emotionally satisfying.

77. Own any record albums?
– I own my own record label!  So… make 7 up yours!

78. Own a record player?
– Every player I own is a record!

79. Regularly burn incense?
– Is this a multiple choice question?  Hmmm… “A”, final answer.

80. Ever been in love?
– Love is a four letters word.

81. Who would you like to see in concert?
– Everybody and their grandparents

82. Hot tea or iced tea?
– Iced tea, and then drop it like it’s hot

83. Tea or coffee?
– Milk

84. Favorite kind of cookie?
– you’re my favorite cookie, sweetie, haha

85. Can you swim well?
– Yes but I can sink even better!

86. Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose?
– Oh that’s nothing… try holding your nose without manually holding your breath!  Now that’s talent!

87. Are you patient?
– No I’m orderly.

88. DJ or band, at a wedding?
– Neither!  I want a pantomime and a herd of buffalo!

89. Ever won a contest?
– What’s a contest?  I think i like chilidogs.

90. Ever have plastic surgery?
– No but I’ve had a rubber operation :)

91. Which are better black or green olives?
– French fries are the bomb!

92. Can you knit or crochet?
– I dont’ want to be kicked in the crotch :(

93. Best room for a fireplace?
– Question is: “Best place for a roomfire?”

94. Do you want to get married?
– I don’t even know you!  PFfftt!

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