Today is day 12 on Paxil. Lisa says she’s noticing a difference, outwardly. She says that I still get irritated but I get over it much more quickly, and she also seems to think it has improved my overall sociability. It’s hard for me to tell from inside.
My stomach hurts this morning. I don’t know if it’s something I ate or if it’s the medicine, or just something else completely. I had a bowl of frosted shredded wheat cereal and some orange juice. That’s not bad at all.
My restroom experiences have been more frequent since I started taking the Paxil. Additionally, my poop has been more broken up and not very solid. Too much info? You’ll live.
I did something completely unprecedented a few days ago. I am normally extremely picky about who I have as friends on facebook. I only had a small handful of them. However, I decided to go out on a limb and just add a ton of people from my “suggestions” page. These are not exactly random people. I may not know them, but apparently they are friends OF friends and facebook suggests that I add them, so I obliged this time around. My number of facebook friends doubled within 24 hours. Haha…
I’m missing church right now because I’m not feeling well… I don’t like missing church. I will be reading James chapter 2 today since I am staying home.
Moths. There seem to be a lot of them around here lately… and by “here” i mean… wherever. There were 5 of them in the bathroom at work… at least, 5 I could see.
So I discovered this game called Audiosurf. It’s really fun. It’s a music-driven game that would go in the same category as Dance Dance Revolution. The biggest difference is that this one is adaptive and you can use any audio track you have on your computer. The game analyzes the music and builds your level accordingly. Very cool. I’ve uploaded videos of my Audiosurf gameplay to YouTube.
I didn’t post a video log yesterday because I took the day off so that I could rest my voice. If I could go a while without talking then it would allow my throat to heal. I’m still coughing a little bit, but not nearly as much, and I think it helped to stay home. Additionally, I’m starting to think I don’t need to do a video log. It just seems silly for some reason. At least… seems silly to make it so “official”, like “this is my official video log entry”. I think from here on out I’ll just upload what I want to upload and not worry about categorizing it like that.
Tonight is the Entrance at church. I’m excited. I don’t know what the theme is yet… but whatever.
Okay I am done. More to say but… oh well.
Well it’s Tuesday morning and I’m sitting at work. I brought my camcorder with me, and even though I can’t be using it all day, when I get a break or something I’ll be recording something. There’s not much of interest to record or talk about here at work but I’m mostly using this as practice. That is practicing techniques for cutting/editing the video later, and maybe play with some effects.
I’m not new to video editing at all, though. I’ve done some work with Adobe Premiere and I’ve even made a music video with an old friend. You can see some of this on my YouTube channel (http://www.youtube.com/user/vertigoelectric). I’m kinda taking the whole thing as if I’m new at it, though… like starting fresh. Hard to explain. Some of the newer vids I’m posting make it seem a bit like I’ve never done this before… and I’m okay with that… I guess.
My friend Mike and I are going to start a new YouTube channel called The Fish Reel, and it’s going to be mostly for our church, but will have a lot more general material on there, too, but all Christian stuff. I believe we can make a lot of entertaining and informative material without sin involved :) More on that channel later, though.
Years ago I was part of a small church. Very small. Maybe 20 members. It was like a family to me. We would worship together, and I could feel the power of God in the most amazing ways.
Then my heart was broken. That family abandoned me. I have not felt God the same way since.
Since then I have found it exceedingly difficult to fit in anywhere. No church or church-related activity has ever allowed me to feel God the way I did back then. I’ve never felt welcome in any small groups. I’ve never felt like I fit in anywhere.
Growing up I’ve always been the outcast. I’ve been the dorky, nerdy kid in class all the other kids would torment and pick on. I’ve never fit in anywhere. Those who claimed to be my friends would often take advantage of me and my kindness. I’ve always been the quiet, humble one, and it has only brought me heartache.
I really feel that God has turned his back on me now. I feel like I’m that kid in school being picked on by the world, and God is the adult standing nearby that refuses to step in and do anything about it… perhaps waiting for me to stand up for myself or something. I don’t know.
I say “i feel” a lot, but the truth is, I’m so confused lately, I don’t know what I feel.
A fly just landed on the top of my computer monitor. That fly probably serves more purpose in this world in the few days it may live than I do with all the years I have wasted.