Not being very sleepy, I decided to try a new anime I downloaded called Shaman King. I watched the first episode and have concluded that it’s a very dorky cartoon… especially the intro sequence. It’s very “Pokemon”-like but more dorky.
I went to hang out with James and his dad earlier. We played Phase 10, Dice version. Good times.
Hmmmmm… what else happened today? Not much, really. I took a nap. I couldn’t imagine that being very exciting for you to read about. Interesting dreams were involved, though… but I’ve forgotten most of them by now.
Well, technically it’s Friday now. I wonder if I’ll hear from the Gamestop store manager today. I hope so, but I’m also starting to get really nervous. Natural, I suppose.
Ah, I just noticed the “Publicize” option over on the side bar. It seems that it allows me to immediately have my blog post sent to Facebook (or other places if I want) as soon as I publish it. That saves me a few steps and actually looks nicer on the Facebook end. Very good.
Years ago I was part of a small church. Very small. Maybe 20 members. It was like a family to me. We would worship together, and I could feel the power of God in the most amazing ways.
Then my heart was broken. That family abandoned me. I have not felt God the same way since.
Since then I have found it exceedingly difficult to fit in anywhere. No church or church-related activity has ever allowed me to feel God the way I did back then. I’ve never felt welcome in any small groups. I’ve never felt like I fit in anywhere.
Growing up I’ve always been the outcast. I’ve been the dorky, nerdy kid in class all the other kids would torment and pick on. I’ve never fit in anywhere. Those who claimed to be my friends would often take advantage of me and my kindness. I’ve always been the quiet, humble one, and it has only brought me heartache.
I really feel that God has turned his back on me now. I feel like I’m that kid in school being picked on by the world, and God is the adult standing nearby that refuses to step in and do anything about it… perhaps waiting for me to stand up for myself or something. I don’t know.
I say “i feel” a lot, but the truth is, I’m so confused lately, I don’t know what I feel.
A fly just landed on the top of my computer monitor. That fly probably serves more purpose in this world in the few days it may live than I do with all the years I have wasted.