I’m so angry… I’m shaky. Sometimes…. I… I don’t know.
Time and time again people who call themselves friends are proving to me that they cannot be trusted. People who act like friends for so long and then turn on me like rabid dogs. I’m not afraid to say that so many of you out there just go on with your own lives with such a nonchalant view of “friendship” and just let the chips fall where they may. “Friendship”… what does it mean any more? Nobody seems to know.
People wonder why I’m so negative sometimes. I’m the product of my surroundings. I feel like I can’t trust anybody. I trust people, but I can’t help the feeling that I’m just gonna wind up being let down constantly for the rest of my life.
Moments like this make me think about Matt, and I don’t like thinking about Matt. I don’t like thinking about all of the good times we had and his friendly facade followed by his complete abandonment. I wish I could wipe him from my memory completely, along with several others in my past who have had the insulting audacity to call me a friend.
I’m so angry right now I want to beat the crap out of someone. I want to cause pain and suffering to those who have brought it to me. I want to bring torment to those who have betrayed me.
I am a vengeful heart.
This has been on my mind and I just want to get it out there. I’m just going to get real.
If you’re my friend and I say something to you that you find to be insulting or offensive, before you go crazy on me get all butthurt, you need to consider something. I would never do such a thing intentionally. It’s very likely that you either misunderstood or misinterpreted what I had said. It may also be possible that I really didn’t think such a thing would not offend you.
So remember, if I say something that hurts you in some way, you should just let me know. Give me a chance to either explain what I REALLY meant, or the opportunity to simply apologize. If you can’t do this, then you’re not a good friend. It’s as simple as that.
You’re my friend. I would never say or do anything to intentionally hurt you. I can’t tell you how many times I have been hurt by my own friends because they take things that I say, twist them all around, get offended and angry and start sending their own harsh words my way. I make mistakes and I sometimes say things that may come out wrong. Guess what. So do you… and so does he, and her, and them, and everybody.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what it means to be a friend… a true friend. I’ve had life lessons about such a thing. What about you? Some of you are great friends, but honestly I think a lot of people seriously need to get things straight.
I’ve learned to love, cherish, and protect my friends, but I will not waste my time and energy on people who will walk on me, even if they call themselves friends.
I’ll end with this. There’s a saying that says to choose your friends wisely. It sounds like good advice, but the truth is, we don’t choose our friends. Our friends choose us. Our friends choose us by showing us that they care through their actions as well as words. We cannot choose who our friends are. We can only choose who we are a friend to. Who will you choose to be a friend to? How will you show it?