Copied from one of my old Myspace blogs:
1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
– I sleep in the closet with my bedroom doors open
2. Do you ever take the shampoos and soaps from hotel rooms?
– Yes, and I usually sneak out with the furniture and carpet, too!
3. Have you ever ‘done it’ in a hotel room?
– You mean pee on the ceiling? Every time!
4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
– No but I’ve stolen a traffic signal light from a busy street.
5. Do you like to use post-it notes?
– They make create outfits
6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
– I usually use all the coupons I never cut out
7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
– A swarm of big bears
9. Do you always smile for pictures?
– Only if they are pictures trees
10. What is your biggest pet peeve?
– Global molecular dematerialization
11. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
– Both.. tuck in one end and out the other, haha
12. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
– Every time. I’m currently on 35,285,190. That’s a lot.
13. Have you ever peed in the woods?
– Daily, and that’s not all I do in the woods… so watch your step.
14. Do you ever jump up and down to make your privates bounce?
– Oh yes. In fact, I’m going to do that as soon as I’m done with this.
15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
– Mmm… yes I chew them very carefully so I do not choke.
16. Whats your favorite animal and why?
– My favorite animal is probably the meerkat. No, it isn’t. I lied. I like water buffalo because they are great birds of prey and have no legs.
17. Do you like popcorn from those big tins?
– I like the big tins from that popcorn… stop making my hungry. I’ll eat your children.
18. What is your “Song of the week”?
– My song of the week? You wouldn’t know it… I don’t even know it.
19. Do you wear pink?
– it’s not pink… it’s salmon, and no I do not wear salmon. I wear cod.
20. Do you still watch cartoons?
– My life is a artoon. That’s “artoon” with a “c” in front of it.
21. What’s your favorite scary movie?
– The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl was pretty freaky
23. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
– I do have some hidden treasure, and it is buried, but it’s no place you can ever find.
24. What do you drink with dinner?
– Usually sheep’s blood, but sometimes I’ll have a glass of elephant puss if it’s a special occasion.
25. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
– I dip my chicken’s nuggets in hot oil.
26. What is your favorite food/cuisine?
– I can’t tell you that, because it’s not legal.
27. What movie could you watch over and over and still love?
– I don’t understand… this question is too confusing. I hate you.
28. Last person you hugged?
– myself. See, I’m the only person that is willing to touch me.
30. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
– What do you think I do for a living? How do you think I pay the bills?
31. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone?
– I don’t know how to write… Oh wait, yes I do. I thougth you meant something else. The last time I wrote a letter to someone was… yes.
32. Can you change the oil on a car?
– Yeah but it probably won’t operate any more. *mwa ha ha*
33. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
– Nah… I didn’t even know tickets could drive, let alone speed.
34. Ran out of gas?
– I never run out of gas…I eat too much. :)
35. Favorite kind of sandwich?
– That kind
36. Best thing to eat for breakfast?
37. What’s your usual bedtime?
– I don’t have a usual bedtime, but I usually go to bed at some time, which is any time.
38. Are you lazy?
– Nahhh I’m not lazy… I just usually don’t feel like doing things so I don’t.
40. When you were a kid what did you dress up as for Halloween?
– YOU!!! Got 1st prize for ugliest, too.
41. Do you read the newspaper?
– No, I pee on it
42. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
43. Is Fabio ugly?
– He’s more than ugly… he’s fugly… it’s so fugly, he’s oogly.
44.whats better legos or lincon logs?
– Linkin park?
45. Red wine or white wine?
– You whine
46. Are you stubborn?
– No way! …and I’m NOT changing that.
47. Who is better…Leno or Letterman?
48. Watch a soap opera?
– I like to listen to the shampoo sing
49. Afraid of heights?
– Yeah, no…. no yes…. maybe? Not at all.
50. Sing in the car?
– I sing in the car because I HATE YOU! I mean… yes.
51. Dance in the shower?
– Baby, I don’t dance. I PERFORM in the shower… it’s magical.
52. Dance in the car?
– Oh yes, it’s riverdance up in that ride, man.
53. Ever used a gun?
– I’m about to right now.
54. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
– last week… I had a portrait sitting on my desk and this guy with a camera just walked in and took it… bastard.
55. Are musicals cheesy?
– I love cheese
56. Is Christmas stressful?
– The question is “Is stress Christmasful?” The answer is “bouancy”
57. Ever eat a pierogi?
– Yes I’ve eaten a pie and “rogi” is not my name… idiot.
58. Favorite type of fruit pie?
– Ohhhh the kind with fruit in it… that’s my favorite.
59. Occupation you wanted to be when you were a kid?
– Well, when I was 3 I first wanted to be a gynocologist. That changed when I turned 5 and realized I would make a great human cannonball for the traveling circus. When I was 9 I was really into movies so I wanted to be a porn star. Finally, I set aside these childish dreams and decided to have a career in world domination.
60. Do you believe in ghosts?
– I’m here, aren’t I?
61. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
– All the time, and it’s always the same damn thing.
62. Take a vitamin daily?
– Yeah… some preparation H for all the assholes I deal with and some Fukitol in the morning.
63. Wear slippers?
– Yup! Well, they’re actually condoms with cotton glued to them but they work the same.
64. Wear a bath robe?
– I’m so hairy I don’t need a bath robe.. just a rope.
65. What do you wear to bed?
– My bath robe and slippers
66. First concert?
– I swear I saw Elvis… and the Beatles… and that stuff. Nevermind.
67. Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart?
– Hometown Buffet
68. Nike or Adidas?
– I don’t know… maybe if I had a map, or some kind of barbecue sauce.
69. Fritos or Cheetos?
– I absolutely cannot stand that stupid purple dinosaur!
70. Corn nuts or sunflowers seeds?
– definitely hustlin’ corn nuts
71. Ever heard of “norpo?”
72. Ever take dance lessons?
– Honey, I GIVE dance lessons… every tuesday and wednesday evening… in the shower.
73. Is there a profession that you want for your perfect future?
– Y’know that whole world domination thing I mentioned earlier? Yeah, that.
74. Can you curl your tongue?
– Oh yes… just watch!
75. Ever won a spelling bee?
– Of course… I won a whole swarm of spelling bees… and a drive bee!
76. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
– I’m about to right now because this questionairre is so emotionally satisfying.
77. Own any record albums?
– I own my own record label! So… make 7 up yours!
78. Own a record player?
– Every player I own is a record!
79. Regularly burn incense?
– Is this a multiple choice question? Hmmm… “A”, final answer.
80. Ever been in love?
– Love is a four letters word.
81. Who would you like to see in concert?
– Everybody and their grandparents
82. Hot tea or iced tea?
– Iced tea, and then drop it like it’s hot
83. Tea or coffee?
84. Favorite kind of cookie?
– you’re my favorite cookie, sweetie, haha
85. Can you swim well?
– Yes but I can sink even better!
86. Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose?
– Oh that’s nothing… try holding your nose without manually holding your breath! Now that’s talent!
87. Are you patient?
– No I’m orderly.
88. DJ or band, at a wedding?
– Neither! I want a pantomime and a herd of buffalo!
89. Ever won a contest?
– What’s a contest? I think i like chilidogs.
90. Ever have plastic surgery?
– No but I’ve had a rubber operation :)
91. Which are better black or green olives?
– French fries are the bomb!
92. Can you knit or crochet?
– I dont’ want to be kicked in the crotch :(
93. Best room for a fireplace?
– Question is: “Best place for a roomfire?”
94. Do you want to get married?
– I don’t even know you! PFfftt!